The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
