i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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