I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
