ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
