i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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