oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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