You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
