what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
