his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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