i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
