so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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