Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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