its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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