3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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