I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
its liver damage thursday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
