if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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