my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
