Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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