we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
