I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
