Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
