i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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