when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
