i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
