Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
