butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
