if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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