I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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