I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
