i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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