I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
