I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
