she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
