I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
