Whod you bang
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
