I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Porn is love you can see.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
