i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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