I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
