did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
