I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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