Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
