Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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