i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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