then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Pants are for mortals
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
