If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
