So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry my hands just texted you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
