I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
