4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
