i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
