I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
