hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
