my phone needs a breathalizer
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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