did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
