Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
