she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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