my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
