we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
