I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
