Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
