I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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