No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
