Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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