I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
