I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Randomize