I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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