i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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