you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
