My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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