Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize